Thursday, December 23, 2004

Three expert opinions

The whole of yesterday was spent visiting all the medicine men in Thrissur.

My RAM’s performance has become so bad that this time I could not ignore it and attribute it to maybe carelessness or lack of sleep or stress in general. So my mom and I set across to visit some good docs. By the end of the day I could recite my ‘case facts’ like a parrot! I got three expert opinions after all the consultations out of which two were ruled out without any second thoughts.

The first doctor I went to was a Govt practitioner specialized in Gynecology. Yes, I know RAM and Gynec are not exactly directly related to each other. But I had to go to her because of mom’s compulsion, they being Gym-buddies and according to my mom, if someone is a doctor, they ARE a doctor and they know about everything. I played along like a good daughter.

As expected, the doc was busy and there were about 6 ‘fully’ pregnant women waiting to see her. We joined the line. I started chatting up mom about the latest gossip in town. After sometime the doc comes out and sees her best friend and of course she has to call us in! (we had an appointment). After half an hour of incessant chatting by the doc about her hubby, her mom-in-law, some property dispute, her son’s disease, her new cotton saree, what she cooked yesterday for dinner and who is the ‘fattest’ in the gym these days, she decides to get to the matter after she sensed that I was getting pretty restless. I laid my case in front of her with all details including whatever I had learnt about the memory loss problem while googling about it.

I guess she never had such a prepared patient in front of her. She was taken aback and didn't know what to do for awhile. Maybe she would have been more comfortable if I had told her that my fallopian tubes had the habit of doing a cha-cha-cha with each other. She thought long and hard about my case and gave a very beautiful smile and then gave her verdict

“I think you should stop studying and get married. That would solve all your problems.”

I was taken aback. Once what she said really sank in, I gave her one of the coldest stares I could possibly conjure up.

It was after 45 minutes and a lecture on the merits of being married and the hormonal effects that we could get out of her room. The pregnant women were still waiting outside, this time with an expression that meant business. I told my mom once again that we should have waited in the line. She pretended not to hear it. Sigh.

The experience at the second doc was far better. At least he asked me some relevant questions. He even knocked on my knees and shins with a hammer. That hurt! He was just checking for reflexes and was pretty satisfied with my reaction :P
He brought down the memory problem to my unhealthy food intake [I have no choice :( ], irregular sleeping habits and low iron levels.
That was when I laid out the gyan I had googled about memory loss. I asked him whether by any chance it could be a Thyroid problem or B12 deficiency?

He looks at me VERY surprised and tells me

"Those are the two things I have prescribed for you to check. You seem to be as good as a doctor."

I give a smug look to my mom that said "See I told you I am not wasting time surfing on the net all day. :) "

Just before we leave, the doc asks me, “Have your eyes always been like this?”

Me: “Like what?”

My mom and dad start laughing and say that that was the thing they first saw of me in the sonogram. Eeeeeeesh PJ!!! Another joke about my eyes.

The third expert was none other than my dear paatti (grandma). Among her 20 other suggestions, she advises me to take Panchakavyam regularly. I beamed. It sounded like something tasty, nothing like all those kashayams and lehyams. She tells me this is a concotion of 5 sacred things. And the sacred things seem to be Milk, Buttermilk, Ghee, Go-muthram (cow’s urine) and Chaanakam (cow dung) - all collected from the same cow and mixed in a special proportion!!!
Drastic change in my expression.

Luckily for me, it seems Panchakavyam is not available that easily these days.

But today morning I see her on a long discussion with our milkman. Uh oh!


Jam said...

Ha ha ha, PANCHAKAVYAM, sounds delicious. You'd better make arrangements with the local milkmen in and around Insti premises to ensure regular supply of Gomeeyam and Chanakam, wow, what a way to improve memory!!!!
Cheers (or is that the right way of signing off, in this case?)............Jam

Anonymous said...

I have tried that last one and it really works..and trust me tastes yumm too..:)

Girl With Big Eyes said...

Good for you :)

I am not surprised that you dint sign your name in the comment LOL