Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Random thoughts of a forced lazy mind

6 days of vacation gone by.....and 5 more days to go.

Well, I was busy all these 6 days, but no idea what I was busy doing!!!
Haven't done any of the things is my Must-to-do list yet.

This is the first time in 3 years that I am home for such a long stretch. It's great to have some time when you can actually sit and think whether you really wanna do something or not. Back in college, things are so rushed, there's no time even to think about it. It's just Just do it.

Some things I really like about being home..........
Didn't realise how much I was missing my cherry-red bean bag till the moment I happily slumped into it at home. It felt so good after those stupid plastic chairs at the hostel. And having a bean bag around is a good way to break the ice with someone you don't know much about. The child in most of the people comes out when they sit on a beanbag. :)

And it's a lot of fun when someone really really fat sits on a beanbag. It's really tough getting up.

One the moments I like very much at home is the time when I help out mom make rotis and the gossipping that goes on during the process. It's amazing that there's exactly enough gossip to go around till the last roti is made.
And again the next day!!!

Food!!!
Am becoming more and more horizontally challenged day by day, thanks to all the special cooking done by mom. Steamed sweet potatoes, ilaadai, pazhampori, kozhukkatta, puttu&kadala have been having a ball!!!! Must have been a sudden shock to my body after the 2-roti meals I was used to at K.

There's this mini elephant in our living room now. It's around 3 feet tall and is a complete replica of a real elephant. All made out of a single piece of wood. Someone gifted that to my dad and he is happy bragging about it to eveyone who comes to our house ;)
And I am happy that I got to sit on top of an elephant. Who cares if it isn't real. It would take more than just a pretty trunk to make me sit on top of a real one :P
Memories of an unfortunate incident from long back.

Of course, getting to see all the latest Mallu soaps is entertaining. Each of them with oh-so-bold women in them. If only they were real. At least life would have been so much more exciting.

I was watching a dance competition on TV the other day and would you believe that the competition category was 'Item numbers'. And the participants were being judged for their face, body and their moves!!!

The judge, none other than Goddess Malaika : 'I give you 7 for your face, 8 for your baady and 9 for your moves'.
What an interesting show!!
I wonder what they will come up with next. Maybe there would be an Item-number school offering diplomas (if there isn't one already).

Have been enjoying surprising people with my short-hair style. Well, nobody expected me to chop it so short. And there have been incidents where some of my close relatives actually walked past me mistaking me for a boy. Well, I dont know whether to be happy or sad about it.
But I am definitely happy that I don't have to fuss over hair anymore. Good riddance for two years. :)

An interesting commennt from my mom : "You should keep your hair long till we
marry you off. After that your hubby can decide about it."


Yeah right, I can just visualise the happy couple.

"Honey, can I please cut my toenails today? It's awfully long and I promise I won't cut it very short.":D

Mom!!!!! Don't join the MCP club please!!!!!

Life's really cool at home....but then I guess too much of something would also make it less enjoyable. Am kind of looking forward to going back to K.
Even though it's rape out there, it's enjoyable :P

At home, things have changed for me. Dont even have a single unmarried (girl) friend over here now. Either they are married or they are pregnant or both!!!
:P

Don't know why, but once a girl is married, the time she spends talking to her bestfriend on phone decreases drastically. Well, with a typical Mallu husband, I won't be surprised. (no offense intended to all those not-so-typical mallus)

Watching TV is also not all that fun like it used to be. Get bored of channel surfing so soon. Half the channels are for those Hindi movie songs, which are not at all watchable these days. Can we please leave atleast a little to the imagination of the poor viewer.
Or maybe I should just stick to Rangoli.

Feeling very uneasy when I wake up each day without knowing what to do on that day. I wasn't like this before. Used to love those days when I didn't have anything to do the whole day other than laze around. Lazing around is something I don't think i'll ever enjoy again. Maybe it's just that I am not used to so much of free time and a sudden change is playing havoc with my mind. I guess I am thinking like the squirrel which tries to save as many nuts as possible for the winter. But na, I don't want to read anything related to studies this vacation. I would hate myself if I do that.
Then what do I do??!!
I am so aimless out here and I don't like it at all. Well, if after a term at K, this is my condition, I wonder how I will be after 2 years. Maybe I would become this nerd who doesn't even go back home during vacations or maybe I would get cured by then and it won't make a difference to me anymore.

Hope the long 5 left are more eventful and something exciting happens.
Things would have been so much better at home without the constraints of a small town and the constraints of being a girl.

Like SG says "Once you have tasted the freedom of living all by yourself in a city, it's really difficult to go back home with all its rules and regulations"

There are these friends of mine who are roaming around in Kerala on their bikes. How I would have loved to do something like that. The only parts of Kerala I have seen are my relatives' homes and the Athirampilly waterfall and a trip to Kanyakumari so looooong back that I am happy that I haven't forgotten it yet!!

Short hair doesnt come with all the liberties that guys are used to.
Sigh!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Ladies Only!!!!

Thrissur must be the only place in the world (?) where a supermarket provides a complete wing for women's parking ONLY!!!

Was surprised to see the 'Ladies Only' sign, in the parking lot of City center (a symbol of gelf money).

Well, I am sure feminists and people who stand for women's equality would both have something to say about it.

I am just plain happy!!! :)

Reunion :)

Laid my hands on my long lost darling!!!!

Yes.....my laptop is back!!!!!!

But then now that it's here I don't know what to do with it!!!!

Mr. Murphy will never leave me alone...I don't know why he likes me so much and keeps following me....my dear bro just discovered that one of the speakers doesn't work. Got an expert advice to shake the damn thing and try whether it works. Well, I won't be surprised if it does, and won't be surprised if it doesn't.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Gudiya's decision




So much of talk going on about the triangle between Gudiya, Arif and Taufeeq. The highlight is that the solution to this problem was that it was taken in front of the whole of India, in a TV studio!!!!

There have been reports about how innovative this method is and how India is getting modernised.

But was just wondering what would have been going through Gudiya's mind, when the flashlights' glare was on her, so many people watching her during her emotional turmoil, pressures from both sides of the family.......

Did she actually take the decision she wanted to take?

Like Prem Chowdhary said on NDTV, Indians, (and definitely women from rural North Indian) are not ready for an Oprah Winfrey kind of a thing to talk about their problems. Our society is used to keeping things inside the family and putting Society first before taking any decision. The first thing that would come into anyone's mind (by anyone i mean 'almost anyone') would be 'What would others think!!!'

Things got more complicated with the first husband deciding that he wants only the wife and not the child growing inside her and a village council's opinion that a Muslim woman's second marriage is void.

Wonder whether her decision to go with Arif, was hers own, or her parents' or her villagers' or the TV host's.

Am sure Zee earned high ratings because of this issue and obvisouly they were not ready to share the 'scoop' with other channels.

Wonder why didn't Gudiya say NO to the media people? Of course who asked her permission first of all!!!!

Don't want to talk more about this. Lots have been talked and written about the issues of Women in India. I think we need more action than talk.
I hope atleast girls and boys of our generation make a difference. Posted by Hello

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Round and round I go around my Vadakkunnathan

A typical day at home for me starts with a visit to Vadakkunnathan early morning.

Its an old temple around which the whole town is built. The entire life in Trichur goes around in that circle around Vadakkunnanthan. More than that, it is also the mediator for the grand Thrissur Pooram, that is celebrated every year in the maidan of the temple.

A multitude of activities go on just outside the walls of the temple.....there's the Children's park, the ice cream vendors, the open air basket ball court, the perfect small circles of retired granndads playing rummy and 56, the local cricket matches, the small stage where the Prabashanams happen in the evening, the Vidyarthi corner where most of the political rallies end and where the prizes for the best school are given away after each procession, the exhibition that accompanies the Trichur pooram during summer, supposed-to-be teak trees, lots of lottery mongers..(remember distinctly a vendor called S. S. Maniyan, whose name I always read as Da Da Maniyan, because, in his car, the name was written in a peculiar way: the initials in English and the rest in Mallu, so I thought even the initals were written in mallu and was surprised that he has such different initals!!!!! Non-mallu people please excuse this, you wont understand.), and then the peanut vendors, working men and women taking shortcuts through the maidan to get to the other side, the homeless people sleeping beneath the trees, small kids (read Priya) riding a bicycle with balance wheels and feeling as if they have conquered the world, the watermelon vendors, the bookshop on wheels.......a busy world indeed! But inside the walls of the temple its amazingly different. Its an entirely different world.
Just a wall can make such a huge difference.

As a kid, I had been amazed at the folklore associated with the temple......the place where Lord Rama cut the rock with his bow and arrow so that his darling wife can quench her thirst, the blind God who won't know you are there unless you clap and make sure that he hears your prayer, the ritual of sacrificing a thread of your new dress to the God so that you get another new one soon (this i do even now :D ), KuttiKannan's small footprint on the stone path, the big and pretty Nandi, of course Vadkkkunnathan himself - the lingam covered under a huge mountain of ghee with Parvati just behind him, God Ganpati with a priest who looks just like him, tummywise ;), that special place behind Ram's temple where if you touch and make a SMALL wish it would definitely come true, The God who you should NOT look at after you have prayed to him once, the tunnel that starts right from the temple and supposedly ends at Kashi, the Vidyasila where all students write 'Harisreeganapataye namah' to get good marks and to be belssed with good handwriting, the 8 PM adachupuja that happens daily which if someone attends continously for 41 days any BIG wish would come true (too bad I can't do that!!), the huge koothambalam which I have seen from inside only once, the typical Gosala around Lord krishna, the small statue of Siva with Ganga flowing continously from his hairknot and many more which I seem to have forgotten. (Need to get it refreshed from my paatti.)

These are the things that either someone told me or I read from some books about the temple. The more I heard the more I was curious and proud of the temple that was just a stone's throw away from my house. But sadly, now the innoncence that once treasured these stories as world's secrets has been replaced by what is called commonsense, these things dont give me that Aha effect anymore. :(

Neverthless, I am still proud of each one of them. I still feel that since the temple is so close to my house and since I am a regular vistor there, I am sure to have some connection with it right? :) Of course I have been a very enthusiastic guide showing around the temple to all my cousins and friends who showed interest and not missing a single story in my narrations. I even coaxed a christian friend of mine to see the amazing place. Well, I did go to her favourite church in return though. :P

Some more things that I love about this place...........

The secluded place devoted to snake gods. I never used to pray there or go near that place. I had a notion that if I prayed there, the snake gods would get too friendly with me and follow me to my house. Now that wouldn't be very desirable right?

The stone cut path, which is a pleasure to walk on barefoot. I have done dozens of pradikhsanams around the temple on that path as a Thank-you-gift to the Gods when my SMALL and BIG wishes came true.

Those old old grandfather trees spreading out all over the place, all of them looking so wise and majestic.

And then there's the pavizhamalli tree, whose sweet-smelling-oh-so-fragile flowers decorate a part of the stone cut pathways throughout the year.

Light tingling sounds from the bells adorning the necks of the dozen cows grazing all the time around the temple and minding their own business.

And the amazing Sweet-PureGhee-Neyyappams that melt in your mouth that are distributed after the 8 PM puja.

The cleanliness maintained inside the temple is just perfect. Reminds me...when I was in 1st or 2nd, someone told me that if a kid does susu in the temple, its quite a big issue, everything comes to a standstill and they have to clean the whole temple with special holy water. This stuck to my mind and whenever I went there, I had this amazing urge to pee....just to see whether people would actually come running with buckets full of holy water and stop all the processes.......just because of me. I would be famous!!!! (another one of those things, that just exists as a thought in my mind. Never dared to do it!)

I could go on and on about this temple.................


Today when I was walking around in that temple, lost in thoughts, was wondering how much that place had influenced me. I must have first gone to the temple when I was in kindergarten; a small tubby girl in a pinnafore, holding someone's hand, not even aware of what a temple was.

After that during school years, it was the usual visit just before the annual results to make sure that Vadakkunnathan remembers me when he gives out those marks ;)
Did that till 10th!

After that I started going alone to the temple.....more to have some time alone rather than to pray. What I like the most about the place is the peace and quiet and that too right in the middle of the town. There's something in the air in there that soothes you the moment you enter those huge gates that even elephants can pass through. Have had some amazing conversations with myself and my namesake and good friend PriyaNair inside those walls.

Like I said before, when I was in school I used to go to the temple to submit my wishes 'formally' or to say thank you for the wishes that came true, but later it was a nice place to walk in a beautiful evening, and then it became a place to go to when something troubled my mind, a place where I always used to feel taken care of......I won't say I am a strong believer of temples and diety worship but neither am an athiest, hanging somewhere in between. The trips to the temple have been more like visiting a good friend rather than visiting God.

And of course during my teenage years it was another place to meet cute guys......all of them walking around shirtless ;)

In between all this I became strongly attached to this place. My friends were shocked to see me crying when I heard about the demise of a young priest of that temple. I used to see him at Krishna's temple everyday...a small boy near his twenties. He had climbed the Chembakam tree to pluck flowers for the God...slipped and fell down and was gone forever. This was the first death that affected me so much. That too someone who I have never spoken to, who may have never even known about me, such a silly girl. A person who I used to see everyday suddenly diappeared from my life. That was very diffuclt to accept. For me, he was a part of the temple and with his death, I felt that the temple is less sacred!!!! Can't explain why I felt that way, but then some things make more sense when they dont have to be explained.

The next incident that hurt me equally was the time when a famous Peepal tree inside the temple uprooted during the monsoon. I was in Wipro at that time, and this time too the tears were hard to control.
I feel silly getting so emotional about a place and a tree....but then sometimes its better to let things be rather than trying to control them.


There are quite a few more famous temples in Trichur like Paramekkavu and Thiruvambady, but none of them have the aura that is there in Vadkkunnathan. They look like commericialised temples with marble floors and all. They dont mean anything to me. But I feel really bad if I come home and do not visit Vadakkunnathan atleast once. But then wherever I go I take a part of it along with me.

Why do I go to this temple these days?
For peace, for strength and to try to retain at least a little bit of that lost innocence.

To Sirs, with love

Phew!

That was what I utterred when I gave in the Eco paper and came out of the room....blissfully unaware of the book I had forgotten in the class!

The end term was more fun than anything else. Study whatever you can in whatever little time you have and pray while you take bath (cause all the other time your are busy trying to get something ino your head!).
The day we had 3 global tests was the most fun! like someone said, if you dont have a choice, better enjoy it!

Let me take it one by one...........

First day of end terms begins with a lot of hope and doubt.

First it was MM I, we all thot we knew what would be asked. we all believed so gullibly and again our faith in the world was shatterred when we saw the paper! :(
Mr. Kotler, can i download your book straight to my mind? No dial up please, i have an asianet connection :P

Then came QM....well all i can say is Thank you Sir. Will never forget it.

Then came the day when we had 3 tests in a row. All of them global stuff.
IT....again an unexpected one. But then i guess i have better chances of scoring more if its an objective paper rather than a subjective paper right? :)

STI....SGopal tells me he started writing the answers even before he saw the Qpaper :). Well, God bless Mr. Thakur. I feel a lil bit sorry that I dint attend all the classes. I swear if it was not for all those projects which made me stay awake most of the nights and compelled me to sleep during the afternoons, I would have been there in each one of your classes.
But dear sir, I think you would like to know that I am reading all those readings you gave us during this break!
Yessir i am!

OB.....Woh bhi!!! A looooooooooong paper. By the time I finshed this paper, I was half dead and half relieved.
Relieved that the goddamn day was about to end.

At the end of the day i had to actually apply iodex on my aching hand!! Wish they would make these tests online. Love to type....but hate to write.

The next day shined bright with the promise of Accounts! Anothoer looong paper, but I have to say that it was the paper I enjoyed the most. Made some silly mistakes, but then I was most satisfied with this one. I liked your classes, Dr. Broca.

The last but deifnitely not the least....MicroEconomics....there was nothing micro about the paper. another long one. But then a good paper. Enjoyed this one too.
This is another subject towhich I feel i havent done justice to the textbook. I dint know there was so much of economics all around us. When I read about the Statutory incidence and Economic incidence, and how even though some benefits are matched by the employer (like say PF), its actully the poor employee who pays it. I was shocked when I read it first and thought of all the PF payments i had made in the last three years, silently happy inside that someone else is contributing towards that too.

Looking back....what happened in these 3 months? Did i really learn something? Had a taste of all the subjects...but sadly, I can't say that I have given 100% to any of those. Had to compromise somewhere. and that was something I had decided not to do when I landed at K. With my experience at NITC, where studies was just a 1-day thing before the exam. No wonder I am lost when something comes up related to my Enggineering basics. I regret not having paid justice to all those subjects we were intended to learn.

The only thing I use nowadays which I learnt from NITC are the mallu swear words. The first time I heard them used (to address me, by a senior who was trying to rag me) I had no idea what it meant. Coming from an all girl's convent, this was new to me! And you bet, I picked it up real fast!

Heard today that a guy at IIM L committed suicide. Dont know whether it's the pressue. Someone told me he did it as a mockery.
But then I won't be surprised if it was the pressure. With a huge batch at L this year, things would have been really tough.

Just one thing nags me.

WHY?!!!

Why do they do this?

The profs very well know the pressure and still some of the profs were teaching us as if their's was the only subject we had to study. Well I hope they realise that not many us are getting into the thick of things this way. Yes, we know a lot of things now. But how deep? I'll leave it at that.

Pkt tells me, maybe thats the whole idea. They just want to put us under so much pressure that we can take whatever life will throw at us once we pass out. hmmmmmmmmmmm
Waiting for the pain to end. The freaking part is that I think what he says is right. The day we finished all our exams and were free to go home, most of us were feeling terribly uncomfortable without having anything to read or study for the next day!!!! I even had my usual 12'O clock coffee forgetting that I dint have to stay awake that night. I find it really difficult to sit and do nothing now. Something that I miss :(

Heck, whatever, Salaam to first term at K.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

RAM failing

Just discovered that I am a morning person!!!

Late discovery i should say.

Had a QM quiz yesterday. An expected Surprise quiz. Stayed up the whole night(well..almost) trying to understand it. I went happily to the class hoping that finally I was ready for a quiz and I start writing the test....lo! i dont rember a thing I studied the previous night.
That feeling of helplessness is to be experienced to realise how disgusting it feels.

This is not the lone incident where I have been forgetting things....So many incidents where I remembered the people but forgot their names! Had an embarrassing occasion once. Back at home in Trichur I happened to run into an old friend or maybe acquaintance would be more proper, from my school days at a cinema. We ended up chatting until the queue started moving. Everything went along fine until she suddenly asked me,

'Do you know my name!?'

I was silent.

Damn. I couldnt!!!

Never felt so ashamed of myself. Apologised to her...but it was evident that she was hurt. Of course her reasoning would be that since she remembered my name it's fair on her part to expect the same from me. She just walked away without saying anything else :( That hurt!
Even today I dont know what triggered her to ask that question. I am sure I didn't give her a clue that I dint know her name.....I myself didn't realise it until the question popped up!
Gosh!!!! Would you believe I've forgotten her name again!!!!!

If you are reading this buddy....please realise its not me....it's just my RAM failing!

There are many more such occasions where I have sadly realised that my memory is actually deteriorating. But until yesterday I didn't realise that it has become so bad.

A friend of mine teases me saying that since I keep forgetting all the favours he has done for me, he plans on writing all of them down and sending it to me periodically so that things are back in place and I dont get a chance to forget!

Reminds me of the movie 50 first dates ;)

Got another Quiz today. Cant afford to forget everything in this one. So decided on changing the strategy. Slept half the night and got up early morning....even before the mist could make it to the top of our hill. Let me see how today's test goes.

But I am still worried about this.
It can't be Alzhiemer's at such a young age.....or can it?

Maybe I should get some professional help on this.

HHHHEEEELLLLPPPP!


or maybe I should just try one of those Chyavanaprasams.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

A pPJ and pathetic QM

Here's a PJ contribued by a great brain from my REC days.


What was the old name of ICICI Bank?

Thursday, September 02, 2004

How many more Pascals of this?

Pressure getting high at K :(

Not a single day passes by without me thinking that maybe I shouldn't have come here. In reality I don't feel that way. I am really glad I made it to K. But the pressure out here is something I wasnt ready for.

Everything is in such a big hurry, I feel that at the end of 2 years I'll feel as if something swooshed past me and I am back to square one.
A friend of mine tells me maybe that's the idea! Maybe they dont want us to learn anything...it's all just making us ready to take in the pressure of the corporate world. True?

Another friend of mine feels that there is enough time for everything.....maybe I should stay more in my room rather than spending so much time walking around and talking to people. But na...I can't cut down on that. Those are the moments that actually make life easier to cope with out here.

I took the advice of a wise old man ;) and decided to prioritise things. Results were not very good. I ended up not doing anything in my low priority list and now that molehill has become something like the Western ghats...stretching off to the horizon! Looks like I don't even know how to prioritise things :(

With 4-5 project submissions due (I lost count) the next three weeks don't paint a rosy picture.The only highlight is gonna be my parents and bro who will be visiting K on saturday. P&A wanted to meet them. Should I or should I not? I guess I'll leave it to my parents to decide...My mom is not exactly comfortable when she has to talk to a person who doesnt know either Mallu/Tamil.
On the contrary a friend tells me his mom reads ET and discusses it with him!
I still love you ma. Stay the same. And dont get nervous around me!!!!

Time for the MC class. I have never enjoyed any MC class till date, except the one where we had the roleplay and I was the aggressive Social activist. That was enjoyable.

Have got a long day today...class ends at 6...have project group meetings...MM case to be done for tomorrow. Party at 11.

Why does it have to be only 24 hours!!!