Monday, March 28, 2005

What am I waiting for?

Every time during my term break, all hell breaks loose for me. My daily schedule is altered. I lose sense of what I am supposed to do whole day, I oversleep, overeat, whine a lot and complain about anything and everything.

This time the feeling is even worse. It feels as if I am in a waiting room, apprehensive about the next journey I am about to embark on. I am mentally all packed up and ready to go. But I am missing the sense of ‘home’.

It's been eight years since I left home and since then have come back just for a weekend or a short vacation. In the beginning I used to pine for those days - to be back at the place where I can walk around blindfolded without bumping into anything. Then it was a sense of acceptance that it's always gonna be like this from now on. I’ve accepted that my home is gonna be something like a vacation resort for me.

I don’t feel at home at my home anymore.

And this disturbs me. Especially when I am home.

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